ABBY'S "AHA MOMENT"......at last

Sorry I haven't been around in such a long time...my month in Costa Rica took more out of me, emotionally and physically, than I could have ever imagined. When I returned home to Birmingham, I pretty much collapsed...in so many ways. Fortunately I began regular exercise again which I think helped me move from day to day. I felt totally lost. Nothing seemed to make sense in my life other than my role as a wife, mother and now grandmother. I had stopped teaching and personal training. I felt that my impending birthday...60 years OLD......was a hurdle which I had to "get over". I was fighting it as if my life were going to stop on November 5. my thoughts never strayed far from that "life event". I wanted everyone's assurance that I didn't look like 60. I knew I didn't act like 60 (whatever that is!!!) I continued to frame my "doomsday". My therapist, who I adore, tried to help me through this time, but quite honestly I was struggling.
I went back to Costa Rica a few weeks ago and was hanging out at Todd's pool reading Oprah Magazine. I lover her magazine as well as "More Magazine" as they address issues relating to women in their 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's and yes, even 80's. I came upon an article by a poet entitled "Nikki Giovanni's Aha Moment". I immediately became Nikki. She was an accomplished 58 year old poet, quite the "cool" lady, drove an apple red sports car, kept herself in great shape, dressed to the nines and even had a tatoo.......her moment came while driving home from a party with a friend and was pulled over by a state trooper. She immediately assured her friend not to worry. All changed in the blink of an eye, or should I say in the shine of the trooper's flashlight in the car to get a look at them. almost immediately his tone changed and addressed her as ma'am in that solicitous way that people do when they're talking to an elder. She offered to get her license, sure that he would give her a ticket. Instead he gave them a suggestion to stop and get some coffee and get to where we were going "safely". Nikki realized immediately when the trooper looked into the car, he didn't see what she and her friend thought he saw - two hip young women going someplace. He saw his grandmother. It was a depressing moment.
She pondered the matter overnight and realized she WAS getting old. as she verbalized that to a famous poet friend of hers, the friend's sresponse was, "Yes, you are". Her friend was right. It was time for her to embrace the moment she had come to and discover what "old" meant/
She joined AARP and even started asking for her senior discount!!!!!! She began to realize the pleasures of being older.......having nothing to prove to anyone except herself. It began to be freeing.
I was one of those who has been resisting transition and was not allowing myself to enjoy who I am. In my "aha" moment where I became Nikki, I accepted Abby......I am learning to embrace the change, no matter what it is; once I do, I can learn about the new world you're in and take advantage of it. I will bring to bear all of my prior experience, I will be riding on another level. It feels liberating already.
I hope you will come along with me on my new journey.......My first step is to join AARP....