THIS ORGANIZATION STUFF SEEMS TO BE GOOD

I have to tell you that this is the first time that I have ever really been organized for a trip more than twenty-four hours before we leave. All I have left is my shampoo, etc....no jewelry.....no what ifs? How freeing.....I must say watching Gary's face this morning as he saw that not only was I packed, all of the cold gear for "outdoor play" was packed, and a lot of his suitcase was packed......he then started grilling me (in a kind way)...okay, we need to go to the bank, we need to stop the paper and the mail......I very smugly (I admit it...) said.....Calm down...calm down...it's all taken care of.....and then at the same time we both started laughing knowing that this is not necessarily going to be the pattern of the future, but it sure felt good this morning. I talked with all the kids this morning and the excitement is in the air. It is certainly not a bad thing that it looks like it is warmer in Colorado than here in Birmingham.......we'll see how long that lasts, but starting out positively is always a good thing......
Oops. I didn't put the trash out this morning. I knew there was something I forgot..............Talk to you from the mountains......

24 HOURS HOURS TO GO.....

And I am already packed. This must be a world record for me. I packed one duffel for ski stuff, and a lot of things I bought for my three g-babies.......my suitcase is packed (minus toiletries) and I even packed l/2 of Gary's. Frightening. The ski duffel is already closed up. Give me 30 more minutes and I should be able to pack up the other suitcase. I guess I must confess this ski trip was much easier to pack for. Number one......the key word here is "stay warm".....Anything I saw that would add to that cause was packed. We will certainly go out to dinner a few times, but that is jeans and a sweater and boots.....No vanity needed for this trip. This is all about survival of the fittest or the warmest.....my only problem could be Gary going through the bags just to look at stuff....I might just put them in the entry hall with the luggage tags on. He has permission to do whatever he wants with his......but I'm done....If I need something, there are a million stores around. No skis or ski gear needed for this girl......My second goal for the trip besides staying warm is to not get hurt......I am very anxious to see my family, despite the cold and look upon it as the beginning of another "Griswold Family Adventure".....Stay tuned for pictures and great sagas.......

THE STORM BEFORE THE STORM....

Well, it's time to pack for a big trip that we are taking to Colorado. All of the family will be there......We leave Thursday....this is now Tuesday, but I getting into my "packing freakout" as I always do. There's a lot of ways to look at this....like shouldn't I try to work on this...be prepared...etc.....but you can also look at is as my "packing mania" is a "constant" in my life. And sometimes when you can know what to expect, it's easier that waiting for the "unexpected"....
This should really be an easy one....warm clothes, gloves, hats, the newest long underwear, which isn't like those old thermal grannies....these are black tight fitting tights and turtle neck, which make you look like you've lost a few pouds...then on top of that, you put a thermal layer...then comes a turtleneck, then maybe a vest or sweater and then your ski jacket. Now is when "you don't look so skinny" anymore. I have all of this stuff in a box downstairs from our trip last year, and have pulled most of it, so this should not be a problem......then a couple pairs of jeans.....a few turtle necks, some warm pajamas, vanity stuff, which should be a minimum......sounds like a piece of cake, right.. I'll let you know. Okay, so that's the first storm.....the second one begins when we get to Colorado and I get to see my three granddaughters, two of them are four, Liana and Maya and one is 19 months, Mia. Maybe I shouldn't call them the storm. They are definitely more like "tornadoes". You can't really ever prepare for this....you just try and flow the best you can and get as many hugs and kisses as possible. I know there will be many snowmen and snow angels made....lots of hot chocolate...roasted marshmellows, and since my husband and sons are great cooks, we won't be hurting on the food side. My daughter is also a great cook, but loves to be spoiled by the boys, as do I.......As I write about the girls, I have a smile on my face and enough love and warmth in my heart to weather the storm of packing. As far as my three tornadoes, how lucky am I?

LOLA'S FIRST DAY OF BOOT CAMP, ET AL

Well, to be honest I had been really looking forward to this morning for about a week. As Lola continued to grow, I could see that she wanted to take my place as "Queen" of the house......I wasn't happy and neither was she. She was constantly more determined than I and I felt in the "throes of defeat"........The vet calls it "puppy teething"......but to be totally honest, it puppy biting, puppy jumping on tables. I was terrified of her, and I could see that she knew it. As I took her to "Boot Camp" this morning armed with three of her "favorite things", I felt a little guilty, but knew this was what I had to do in order to have a "relationship" with this beautiful puppy. One of the trainers took us into his office and asked what "my goals" were. I said do all the training you can do, and find out a way that I can wave a magic wand when I pick her up in three weeks and control her "teething". A few of the technicians there had worked at the clinic where I trained and boarded my last dog, a yellow Lab, Lexie....and they were all so excited about Lola. They have a wonderfully kind and caring staff there, and I left with such a sense of confidence which allowed me then to do four or five necessary errands. Then when I came home, the lonliness for my little "biter" gnawed at me...the house was very lonely. I had no responsibility....I thought I would enjoy it, but I didn't. I forced myself to get some stuff done in the house today and am putting myself in my own "mini boot camp" to get things organized before we leave foro the family ski trip on Thursday. Lola will be my inspiration....if she has to be doing all this work, then I can do something. As a mom, I need to be honest. I want her to be the best student there. I want them all to chant her praises...I certainly hope she doesn't get kp duty or pooper-scooper time......I put my faith in Margaret and her staff and am going to go downstairs and clean her cage out and lysol the floors.......Watch out...Lola and I are in training. I hope Lola wins....

OVERTHINKING......

I think that as a young child who always used to get a checkmark in "thinks before speaking", I guess I didn't overthink anything.....I just blurted things out.....Then as as a teenager, who was embarrassed by her stuttering, I didn't think before speaking, because I didn't speak a lot......eve though I knew the answers...........as a young mother, I had no choice....with three children under the age of four, I didn't think at all. I just spoke whenever and wherever just to keep some semblance of order. As my children were in school, I was always involved and the chaperone for whatever was needed, and again, I didn't overthink....it wasn't a choice...I wanted desperately to be a part of my children's activities......As the kids got older and went away to college, I think that is when my overthinking really resurfaced. You see, I am a people pleaser, and would think before I involved myself in a conversation, worrying that I might cause controversy......my opinion might not be valued. Just sit and listen....even when I am in a large group of friends, I don't want to give a lot of feedback to what's going on, because my brain is taking me through a myriad of info, and deciding what or how I should express myself......
Well, I guess when you turn 60, you are supposed to be free of all those "what ifs" and you should just feel the freedom to say what you want. Alas, that has not been happening, and as I was taking care of my dog, Lola, this morning, I again was overthinking if she should go outside, should she eat first, should I, should I, should I....and I was reminded of an important fact that my dog trainer always reinforces. You are in charge, Sharon.....you dictate what needs to be done. She needs to adjust to your patterns, not the opposite. Do you think she needs to go now? Either take her out or don't.......we don't need to write a term paper on this. As I started to analyze something about Little Lola this morning, I stopped mid-thought, and caught myself.......very freeing moment....not just about the dog....but about my entire people pleasing, don't say the wrong thing, your input is not valuable, yada, yada......I smiled and saw a little light (not a big one).....but just the overall picture that there is not always just one right answer, and there is a learning curve in everything....and that my 61+ years have merit, and there are certain times I want to only surround myself with people who I am "free" with......I have many other friends, and of course, I want to spend time with them.....But I love the freedom of not having to "overthink" what is going to spill out of my mouth. I love the creativity it gives me.....My homework...no, no. not homework...I always hated that....I am going to direct my thoughts to more spontaneity. I will create a pattern for Lola. If I have a suggestion for a party food, if I say "carrots and celery with dip", and I am told, no, Sharon, "crudites", it's okay. This overthinking stuff is way too tiring for me.......now, if you will excuse me, I must take Lola outside......

WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR?

As I sit down and write late this afternoon, I have a smile on my face. I got to see two of my girly girlfriends today, and my time spent with them makes me realize just how lucky I am to have friends who accept me as I am, worts and all.....who are there in the good and the bad times, with words of encouragement and love. The girls I am talking about today are long-term friends.....30 years........all three of us have gone through highs and lows and as my BFF and I went to see our friend, who had recent foot surgery (on both feet!!!!), but was propped up in bed with a smile on her face, happy that we had stopped by to see her. It was a very calming feeling....I'm not sure how to explain it....besides the calm, there was laughter, sometimes about subjects which are difficult, gratitude that we are all there for each other.....realizing how many life events we have shared together.....somehow lessened the tinges of aging that I sometimes have. You can't have these friendships in your 30's or 40's.....You start feeling their stable place in your life in your 50's, but at 60.....I don't know what happens. All veils come down...we all become so very transparent in such a kind way.....we know that no matter what, there are the "three of us". I'm a pretty lucky woman.

Adjustments

Adjustments are playing a big part in my life lately. Some of these tune-ups are feeling wonderful and others are proving to be more challenging. My neck therapy where I get myofascial release treatment for my neck is going well. I definitely see a difference..I have exercises which I am responsible to do and that is empowering......adjusting my medications that I take have proved to be a little "tricky"....Due to an allergic reaction that I had about a month ago, I had to change some pills and do a little adding and subtracting until we found the right combination........I have really had to exhibit some patience, because this is a day to day diary of "how do I feel"....."am I too tired"....."am I too revved up". Fortunately my diary has led me to some good observations and I think my meds are tuned-up and adjusted. And then there is Lola....my adorable 11 week old miniature goldendoodle..........I'm not sure where to start......why don't I just be kind and say "she's just a puppy" and she will be going to puppy boot camp next Monday....and I hope they let her know who is the boss. She has developed a very sassy, independent persona the last week or so....and someone needs to be trained, either Lola or myself. I know I will prevail....I am the master....I am the master...I am the master......I am trying to hypnotize myself into believing that. She had to go to her cage a few times so we could have some owner/puppy time alone......that was after I called my doggie trainer in tears, and she told us we needed to be separated for a bit.......This adjustment might take a little longer......but please think positive thoughts with me as she enters boot camp Monday....

TOP JOBS TO HAVE IN THIS FLOUNDERING ECONOMY

As I was watching CNN Headline News this morning, I listened only with a mild interest when their financial reporter who I love, Ali Velshy, announced that we should stay tune to hear the top ten jobs to have in this economy and encouraged any young people to start shifting their interests to these fields....blah, blah, blah...
When they came back on air they listed the top ten, but to be honest, I was only interested in numbers 1 and 3. Number one was a mathematician and number three was a statistician...Actually I forgot, number five was a scientist.......I was so excited, I didn't know who to oall, because it was very early. As my excitement grew, the three anchors were having a wonderful time yawning and saing that the "nerds" had finally won.....who would ever want to do those jobs.....I would rather watch paint dry, they continued......Aha.....let me explain my glee....My husband, Gary got his undergraduate degree with a math major and a statistics minor.....and once he became a biostatistican, which includes math, stat and science, he became the brunt of many nerd jokes, and I was one of the first to criticize a lot of his colleagues, and continued to tell him he was the only cute biostatistician I had ever met.....After working in the field for over 30 years and getting world renown kudos, he can own up to the fact that he is a handsome nerd who has financial stability....so to all those naysayers who have tried to understand some of Gary's conversations on what he does, I say.......Watch CNN.....The nerds have conquered....

YEAH FOR MARGARET!!!!!!!!

I will begin by explaining that Margaret is my dog trainer, and my savior.....we went to our obedience school class this morning, Lola, Margaret and myself......I was expecting Lola to be a perfect angel and make me look like an idiot for complaining about her, but to my surprise, she did a lot of the behaviors which I am struggling with. Fortunately Margaret had a plan for anything and everything....Now I have to go home and practice them.....She also told me to get a little sheet of paper and write down her name....Lola Beane and underneath it, write "puppy license", and whenever I am having a hard time with her, just go to my drawer and take the piece of paper out.....She did suggest "boot camp" which we had already decided on....and I said "sign her up"....so she will have two weeks of extensive training and then we'll see what happens when we get back from Colorado to see if she needs another week.......I guess until we are through with all of Lola's training, I will have to cut back on some of my vanities....I'll just have to live with white roots a little longer and the time between manicures and pedicures will just have to be extended. I guess any little cosmetic procedures are "totally out of the question". I do feel better after the lesson, and since it is raining cats and dogs here and is so gloomy outside, I put Lola in her crate and I am going to sneak in a little nap.......through all the gloominess outside, I do see the light.

LOLA VERSUS ABBY. WHO WILL TRIUMPH

Well, it's been a challenging morning to say the least. The trials and tribulations of having a puppy are becoming greater every day. Where did my sweet, docile Lola go? She is showing me another side the last couple days......and it's a little frightening. After I took her out this morning, she came in, ate a little, and then took off on a mad dash making a great circle route around the den and kitchen, probably 6-8 rotations ending up with a jump onto the cocktail table..to the couch...to the table....to the love seat. I just watched in horror and had no idea where to begin in disciplining her.....stepping on the leash didn't help, pulling on the collar had no affect whatsoever......so I tried and old and proven trick. I started to cry a little bit....and she calmed down a little. We are up in my office now as she sleeps innocently curled up on a rug on the floor. I guess her escapades have worn her out. Fortunately we have an 8:30 lesson this morning for doggy obedience......Keep your fingers crossed......and chant with me....She is only a puppy.......

Day One without Gary home.....

It had been a wonderful 17 days with Gary home.....not any consulting trips, only one trip to the office.....we bought a new puppy together....Lola, a miniature golden-doodle and we were getting in the "rhythm" of things together. But, alas, all good things must come to an end. He went to work as usual this morning and is now on a plane to Houston. He will fly back Thursday in time for dinner...I hope someone cooks it for us....
Had a better day today....anytime I would get a little down, I would think of all that I had and do my deep breathing.....it's amazing what such a simple exercise does to bring you into the moment. Lola did pretty well today, but I have to keep telling myself she is a puppy.......she will be going to boot camp while we are in Colorado....
Watched the Oprah show today and took a lot away from it. The show mainly dealt with weight loss, but on a deeper level, it dealt with what feeds us emotionally....I felt a sense of calm come over me......
It is raining again this evening, and although I loved sharing those rainy nights with Gary while he was here, the rain is less inviting to me this evening. Maybe that's because I know I will have to take Lola out this evening with an umbrella without Gary volunteering to do it.......I can do this...I know I can. I have the umbrella.....the problem is Lola does not particularly like the rain...oh, well. I will keep you posted......a lot of new reality shows to get involved with this evening.

NEW BEGINNINGS

As I checked my last post, I saw that it was last January. It dealt with my attempt at changing some behaviors... Living in the moment, finding a kinder and gentler me, accepting things I cannot change, not overreacting to things I cannot change, etc. ad nauseum. The ad nauseum appears because it has been a full year and I have not really changed at all in any signifcant way. As I enter my 62nd year, I feel more of an urgency to keep myself more grounded.......not extraordinardy highs and deep lows......just a comfy spot in the middle.......I am cognizant of the fact that life is bound to throw things at us to which we must respond. Maybe I need to think for just a moment or two before I respond. I always got "needs improvement" in elementary school on "thinking before speaking"........no need to scold myself for things past.......just to think of today and all of the things I have to be thankful for.....Day by day is my new goal, or maybe even, hour by hour......I think that's the ticket......Hope to see some small changes and more "in the moment" times so that I can truly appreciate everything that I have been given.....Step number one...Take a deep breath.......don't forget to exhale......