OVERTHINKING......

I think that as a young child who always used to get a checkmark in "thinks before speaking", I guess I didn't overthink anything.....I just blurted things out.....Then as as a teenager, who was embarrassed by her stuttering, I didn't think before speaking, because I didn't speak a lot......eve though I knew the answers...........as a young mother, I had no choice....with three children under the age of four, I didn't think at all. I just spoke whenever and wherever just to keep some semblance of order. As my children were in school, I was always involved and the chaperone for whatever was needed, and again, I didn't overthink....it wasn't a choice...I wanted desperately to be a part of my children's activities......As the kids got older and went away to college, I think that is when my overthinking really resurfaced. You see, I am a people pleaser, and would think before I involved myself in a conversation, worrying that I might cause controversy......my opinion might not be valued. Just sit and listen....even when I am in a large group of friends, I don't want to give a lot of feedback to what's going on, because my brain is taking me through a myriad of info, and deciding what or how I should express myself......
Well, I guess when you turn 60, you are supposed to be free of all those "what ifs" and you should just feel the freedom to say what you want. Alas, that has not been happening, and as I was taking care of my dog, Lola, this morning, I again was overthinking if she should go outside, should she eat first, should I, should I, should I....and I was reminded of an important fact that my dog trainer always reinforces. You are in charge, Sharon.....you dictate what needs to be done. She needs to adjust to your patterns, not the opposite. Do you think she needs to go now? Either take her out or don't.......we don't need to write a term paper on this. As I started to analyze something about Little Lola this morning, I stopped mid-thought, and caught myself.......very freeing moment....not just about the dog....but about my entire people pleasing, don't say the wrong thing, your input is not valuable, yada, yada......I smiled and saw a little light (not a big one).....but just the overall picture that there is not always just one right answer, and there is a learning curve in everything....and that my 61+ years have merit, and there are certain times I want to only surround myself with people who I am "free" with......I have many other friends, and of course, I want to spend time with them.....But I love the freedom of not having to "overthink" what is going to spill out of my mouth. I love the creativity it gives me.....My homework...no, no. not homework...I always hated that....I am going to direct my thoughts to more spontaneity. I will create a pattern for Lola. If I have a suggestion for a party food, if I say "carrots and celery with dip", and I am told, no, Sharon, "crudites", it's okay. This overthinking stuff is way too tiring for me.......now, if you will excuse me, I must take Lola outside......